so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
