Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
