my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
