If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
