I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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