i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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