dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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