mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
