I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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