There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
