i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
