Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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