I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im holly from the hills drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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