we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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