Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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