i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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