I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
