remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's always time for handjobs
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
