i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
