It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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