oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
