I am puke
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
