Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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