The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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