god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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