We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
