I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
