we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
