Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
