Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize