So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
