peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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