when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
