I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so let's talk penis.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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