And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
