Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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