Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
