singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
