Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
