Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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