Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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