Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
