i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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