Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
