she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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