happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
