apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize