I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
