Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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