...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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