I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize