At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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