wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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