My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
