just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
