"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
