if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize