do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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