1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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