You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
