And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
