I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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