just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
