Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
