he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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