nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
