I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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