I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
