I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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