Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
