I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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