This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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