Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
