U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
