there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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