I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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