i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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