i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
