so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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